e WHAT TO WEAR TO KILL SOMEONE

DRESSED TO KILL

FEMALE VAMPIRE FASHION

by Amy Mah Vampire

DRESSED TO KILL

FEMALE VAMPIRE FASHION

By Amy Mah

Lots of girls have asked me if it is true that it is a rule for Females to always be at the high of fashion and never to wear underwear.

First: and let me make this clear... you are a Vampire, so whatever you chose to wear will be the fashion, OK?

Second: The underwear question is only something that got started by human horror film makers who wanted to make more money and had no idea as to how cold or draughty a castle can get.

Just to prove it here is a pic of my Undies ….. and yes they do have Pink Bats on them, but that is my Aunts fault as I asked for sexy black panties for my birthday and got these…sigh +++++++++++++++++ My Panties

Turned Vampires (also known as undead) are fixed in time and never age, and do not need to eat or drink (apart from blood), and this is where all the confusion comes from. They normally have perfect bodies, never feel cold, or hot, never catch a cold, have firm boobies, a good looking butt, can't breed, and to put it coarsely they never need to use the washroom, Sooo … they are the ones that can get away not wearing any panties, ok? Older Vampires always wear underwear;

I know for a fact my Aunt wears bloomers that were only common 150 years ago... and she also wears a very hard-working anti-gravity bra.

Males should always wear underwear. If your boyfriend suddenly decides to go commando just tell him he looks untidy.

A boy standing still naked is OK, but as soon as he walks about not all his bits move at the same pace, and it is more amusing looking than sexy. You may of heard of girls swooning (fainting) when seeing a boy naked, but I expect this was just an excuse to stop from pointing at him and getting into a fit of giggles over what they see.

I expect you have all had your mother buy you the daft present of panties with the days of the week on them, for the life of me if I didn't know what day it was I would rather ask someone than to lift my skirt to take a look! If anyone should have panties with the days of the week to remind them to change daily then it is Males not Females!

If the movies you always see the girls that are turned into vampires suddenly start wearing see though night dresses, and there is an explanation for this.

In the past turned human girls were left all day in a cemetery to emerge overnight as what humans call undead, these girls soon find a little package wrapped with a red bow,

and when opened discover it is a see through nightwear

Sometimes a mistake is made with graves and the packet is left in a guys coffin ……..all very embarrassing and mostly this is why you hear of transvestite vampires

Human girls turned into undead vampires

These mostly become servants to real vampires, these normally always look as sexy as hell and all remembered what their Moms had said about how to walk sexy ……….

you know….…..one foot in front of the other as if you were wearing a pencil skirt so that was it makes your butt wobble from side to side in a firm and attractive way……….. You do not

…and I say NOT EVER ….walk with your legs apart as if you are still wearing diapers!!!!

As a living breathing Vampire a full blood Alpha Female I feel sorry for my Vampire maid BAMBI, being turned ……..UNDEAD ………..

the type of Female vampire human males dream of having sex with as they never age and always look like they did the day they died ……………. er ………

Should we tell the human Males that this is called Necrophilia ………….perverts!

Bambi died and got turned way back in the dark ages …..During the 1970’s I think, like most of the undead Vampire girls she does not bother with panties …or in fact any underwear!

So vampires from her time have wonderful examples of Undergrowth …er…..Personal Rainforest, and like the head hair of the undead it instantly grows back if cut.

I have noticed that with some of the more fashionable maids turn their rainforest into a pony tail and the more adventurous ones attach coloured beads or little bells……….you may ask how I know this ……..well they all like wearing very short shirts and ………..well one can’t help but notice ………...especially when the beads are in day glow orange and green, and as to the little bells well they give a completely different meaning to the words having a tinkle.

FASHION

Males have it easy, hand made shirts and trousers have been in fashion with Male Vampires for, like, forever.

The fashion industry is really unhelpful to Female Vampires as it changes too fast to keep up with, and after the first 100 years fashion shopping gets to be boring. So, the general rule is:-

* Go for black, go for tight.

* If it looks fantastic on you but isn't in fashion, then people will think you are ahead of the trend or going retro.

* A number of little black dresses (with different hem lengths due to fashion changes) will be a good idea to have in the wardrobe.

* Expensive classic clothes last longer, a very expensive ball gown can last almost a century if you protect it from the moths.

* Jeans may not be the most traditionally Vampiric of things to wear, but they do them in black. If you find that perfect style that's shows off your posterior (in a nice sexy way) and feels like a second skin buy 50 pairs - no matter the changes in fashion, a good comfy pair of jeans is something to kill for (and in our world that can be arranged if someone else has got to them first!).

* Shoes are a problem... how can a girl wear decent shoes when her toes have claws that can punch a hole in concrete let alone leather? Why is it that the only thing left to wear are the type of open toed footwear used in the Naruto books and films!? Practical, yes. Cool looking? No.

* Warm clothing is important. Forget the movies and the excess showing of skin, if it's cold then wear something warm. No-one has ever said you can't wear a black woolly hat, gloves, and a scarf on winter nights when out hunting.

* Black always looks good, and hopefully you don't have an Aunt that likes to add little pink bats to all your clothes to make you look like the Addams Family meets the Tooth Fairy.....

FASHION: A Female Vampire has to take her clothes off sometime

I have just tried on my skin tight one piece fighting suit and true it looks very sexy but would like to say to the designer that I am dying to go to the bathroom

and I still have not worked out how to get out of it without using a can opener……………. I am now going cross my legs and read the instructions to see if it is water proof !

…….. er …. If you know what I mean.

This is my friend ICE wearing her Fighter

FIGHTER

A type of clothing designed to make your body look good when training or sport fighting.

The Helsings (see HELSING) with these clothes are like a metal bodice, and the clothing is usually fitted very tight like a body stocking,

not only proving you are a girl, but so thin that you can read your family brand on the hips.

There is a rumour that a girl once forgot her Fighter suit and used a can of spay paint instead and no one knew the difference.

HELSING

The Helsing is named after Van Helsing the Vampire killer, and is a type of body armour.

As the humans know the best way to kill us is a stake in the heart or cutting the head off. This is what they always go for - along with garlic, which is a myth created by people wanting to sell more garlic, and and holy water, which is a myth created by the church seeking donations for repairing their roofs.

Humans are a little stupid over this. As a species Vampires are very intelligent and long-lived and it didn't take us long to work out that we live a lot longer if we can stop people sticking a sharp piece of wood between our boobs.

Helsing Armour is a metal plate which fits over the heart and is fitted as standard into clothing such as "The Hunter" and "The Fighter," or added as extra detachable plating. It is worn under the shirt of the Male, and cloaks have high metal collars so to protect the neck from a sword blow. Females can have a Helsing fitted into a bodice, or have it made to look like an ornate bra.

Helsings are always designed for positioning over the heart area of the chest to make it impossible for the wearer to be stabbed in the heart with a wooden stake. It would even stop silver bullets, swords, knives or in the case of one particular nasty killing in a Vampire film, stiletto heels. Vampires are traditionalists but we are not stupid, we've seen all the films on the subject and are normally the people who laugh in a cinema when a movie Vampire did something so stupid as to let his lunch kill him.

You do not have to have expensive clothing like the 'Hunter' when going out for a quick snack. You can just wear your normal clothes, and then you can take the prey by surprise. While it is looking at your legs or looking down your top you can be getting out a packet of tissues to clean yourself up afterwards.

It is very eye catching and visually pleasing for watchers to your hunting, if you wear a light flowing dress. This is always fashionable due to the fact that it rises into the air when you spin around, giving the prey and viewers a nice flash of leg. But no matter how proud you are of your family brand, in these circumstances the best thing to wear underneath is a tight fitting pair of black cycle shorts - see the movie 'Blood the last Vampire' where you can see 'Saya' leap, spin, somersault and kill without any worry of showing off her brand to strangers. +++++++++++++

This is me wearing my Hunter

HUNTER

The Hunter is a set of clothing designed for going out at night for a meal. It's very strong and hard-wearing, as some of the meals object to being eaten.

Mine is made of black padded leather, under which I wear a padded bra. No, it's not to make my boobs bigger (shut up!)

but to stop the metal Helsing breastplate cutting into my breasts. Believe me, having armour cutting into your delicate parts is more painful than when joggers forget to wear a sports bra.

UNIFORM, Male

As said before strict rules have been created to stop us killing each other so a uniform was decided upon, by Vampires which must have loved watching mid 20th century vampire movies as the male uniform males them look like waiters in posh restaurants but wearing black capes with high collars, the standard shirt has puffy sleeves so when a male is in just shirt and trousers he can easily be mistaken for a love sick 19th century poet.

UNIFORM, Female

The Females are forced to wear Sexy 19th century night dress (huh!) it might look good on a Famula fixed in age with the best figures the males can find forever bouncing around the corridors without underwear as if they are extras in a vampire porn movie, but a I always go for the ones which can cover the whole body and keep you warm, flannelette is very good.

Lots of different style Nightdress’s are about, the Famula maids always wear the low cut ones which means their boobs slap you in the face if they turn around too quickly.

There are no rules saying you can or cannot wear underwear under the nightdress, so if you like the freedom then weigh down the hem of the nightdress with small lead weights, I am sure we have all discovered the male wind from the ventilation shafts which blows down the corridors in gusts, true to its name the only purpose it has is in life is to get under your nightdress.

Personally I not only wear underwear but on cold days tee shirts, jeans, jumper, socks and gloves, as I said before the rules just talk about wearing the nightdress not what is underneath!

Me in nightdress

If You like this then see the book

To understand more about the problems in being a vampire google me: Amy Mah Vampire or buy one of my vampire books

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